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My Journey

June 6, 2017

I've had some extremely hard years. My dad died when I was 14, my grandmother (my best friend) died some years later and then mom my died 8 years ago and that threw me into a deep depression which resulted in insomnia and emotional eating and to make matters worse it seemed like every year after I lost an aunt and an uncle for the next couple of years. I'm not sure other than to say God kept me from losing my mind.

 

I am unsure how I kept going, how I continued helping and pushing people. I continued doing the things I knew to be right but I never ever allowed myself the opportunity to resolve all that I had experienced in my life. People still had expectations of me to continue to function as if none of my losses had occurred.

 

I decided to relocate to try to start fresh, however  I was still broken hurting practically dying inside. I started thinking to myself what's wrong with me? Why haven't you been successful? Why aren't you happy? I came to the conclusion that I hadn't resolved the fact that I lost many great people who carved the core of who I am. I've also helped people so much and haven't received the healing or even support that a person in my shoes needs.

 

I want to encourage anyone going through any kind of loss to take time for healing. It's ok to cry, scream, yell and question God. Under no circumstance should you ever try to just keep going as if it never happened that's called denial and is a root cause of depression. Surround yourself with people who love you, will pour into you, will encourage, pray for and love on you. People that don't just expect you to be perfect or act like nothing has ever happened but realize the weight of the loss and how broken you are. People who will stand in the gap until you're ok. Helping you through the ugly and lowest moments, making sure you know and feel loved!!! 

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